With the prevalence of social media usage to blog/post/tweet about every little thing that goes on in someone's life, and social pressure to keep up with these happenings (it gets a little awkward when someone asks, "But didn't you see my Facebook post on this matter?"), all the more, there is less time to spare for personal commitments. Meanwhile, if you're just a tad slow or busy to keep up, you'd end up seeing those fabulous pictures of your friends having fun together and beat yourself up over missing it, or wondering why no one invited you to the party. The constant longing to be part of the group and in the thick of action can lead to unnecessary stress, both in trying to keep up, and then trying to make the time and effort to participate when the mind and body aren't willing.
Media and societal pressure tends to portray solitude in the bad light. Even studies indicate that networking and social relationships lead to more meaningful and happier lives. The keyword however should be quality in the relationships. But everyone has different preferences, and these preferences may even vary throughout the day. On some days, we like hanging out with friends, but on other days, we just like people-watching alone from our table at lunch, or enjoying a movie by our lonesome. These are normal activities to be embraced. In fact, solitude often enables us to focus on the task at hand, our personal goals, and make deeper connections with our own feelings. Research suggests that alone time can boost cognitive power and overall well-being.
If you're not already comfortable with the idea of being alone, especially in the eyes of others, here are some tips on how to get used to it.
Understand and embrace that it is normal to feel awkward or uncomfortable at first when being alone, and don't give up.
Start slow. It can be as simple as leaving your handphone at home when you nip downstairs to buy groceries. For those who feel compelled to check their facebook or whatsapps every time they feel a buzz, this is good training.
Start off with activities that you enjoy alone.
Bring along something to do. Are you quelled by the stares of strangers, which you imagine, harbour sympathy and surprise for your solitude when doing activities that are usually meant to be social? Bring along a book, your ipad, your phone, some music, something to do, so that each time you feel awkward, you can dive into it just for a bit. Sooner or later, when you're habitually heading out and doing things on your own, you'll get used to the idea. Also bear in mind that in hectic Singapore, most people are too busy minding their own business to contemplate yours.
Unplug from social media. Turn off notifications or set them to silent mode. That should decrease the urge to keep scrolling through those feeds. Check them only at designated times of the day; eventually aim to cut down to once a day, at the end of the day. Consequently you get more free time for more constructive stuff.
Meditating is good for relieving stress and completely engaging with nothing but yourself. The thought of letting your mind go completely blank for even a few minutes may seem unsettling. So start with baby steps. Even 60 seconds is a good beginning, and you can then gradually keep increasing the duration until you can meditate like a yogi.
Finally, there is no hard and fast rule to how much social life or how much solitude one should adopt. Live the way you want to live, appreciate the people around you who make you happy, but be grateful for the peace and imagination that solitude bequeaths you with.