This problem is so real that looking up Facebook and depression will bring up many articles, both personal and scientific. An article on Forbes referred to a new study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, which indicates that Facebook and depressive symptoms go hand-in-hand, and this is due to Social comparison.
Social comparison is by no means a new phenomenon. Contentment is the crux to being happy, but people are never content because they compare. Social media is not quite the main reason here, because as long as you exposed yourself to others and had the tendency to draw comparisons, you might find something to feel inadequate about. Of course, social media makes it easier because it gives you more exposure about other people’s lives.
Ceasing the use of social media is a popular recommendation, but in these days when social media is becoming increasingly relevant for other important things aside from just social interaction, it is difficult to simply cut off usage of it. Moreover, learning to cope with these feelings of jealousy would take one further than simply cutting away the source.
First of all, it is human nature for one to present to others the “highlights” of their lives. Just like how they would only post their best moments of their life on social media. They may be dealing with other problems, problems worst than yours, that you would not know about unless you’re very close to said person. They posted about their successful party, but you never knew how much effort they put into, how many weekends they burnt, to achieve the right to brag about it. They posted lovey dovey couple pictures, but they don’t tell you about the arguments they had, the hard work they invested to keep their relationship smooth-sailing. They posted their latest travel pictures, but they skipped the part about their falling out with the travel buddy. There are multiple sides to a person, and you are often just shown the side they want you to believe about them. And therefore, this leaves your comparisons and concerns with little basis.
On a related note, Facebook has altered its algorithm such that the most popular posts are higher up on your feed. Instagram has announced plans to do this as well and is integrating this function in gradual changes. Twitter has long had the function to toggle between top posts and all posts. That would be the answer to why some of your social media friends may have more likes on their posts than you do. In fact, there are countless other posts with no likes buried at the bottom of the feed.
Next, think about why this person is your friend, on Facebook and in real life. Think about their redeeming qualities. Perhaps they are really pleasant and generous, and that’s why they have so many friends and their posts get an insane amount of likes. Perhaps they work really hard, and that’s how they afford all those new purchases. If this person is friend or family, then you should be happy for their achievements. However, if you have no idea why this person is your friend, or you don’t actually like that person and their existence on your social media feed only causes you misery, well, the “unfollow” button is just one click away. (On facebook, you can stop seeing someone on your feed without unfriending them). Being able to walk away from toxic people in your life is an invaluable ability too.
Appreciate the things you already have. Yes this is clichéd, but it is one of the best ways to counter envy, and it is often neglected. You might envy your friend for having the means to spend Christmas in Europe, while you’ll be spending it alone at home. Now think about the homeless people in Europe who will be spending what could possibly be their last Christmas out in the freezing streets.
That is not to say that you should strive for something you deem to be better. But if any comparison should be done, then make it against your old self, and think about how you can improve. Did I save more money than last year? I want to buy that new gadget, what can I do to get enough funds for it? I want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I should go out and join some interest groups instead of stewing in misery in front of my computer screen wondering why no one wants to date me.
And if you’re in fact, happy with what you already have, before making comparisons, then ask yourself what makes you happy about your situation, and recall these reasons when you start feeling jealous about someone else’s situation. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Social media broadens your world, but ironically, it also narrows your perspectives. So don’t stalk your friends online all the time. Empower yourself with knowledge about what’s going on around you and far beyond. Pick up some new skills – knowing something new is always a confidence booster. Read more. Empower yourself with knowledge. As your world gets bigger, you will soon realise that in the grand scheme of things, your jealousy is unfounded.
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